Train Ride Post

This is my first time on a train during the day things look so different, and may I say I'm surprised on how clean the windows are. Going past all the cars and roads I feel so tall. I love the train.
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Its 5:57 or 17:57.. Lets see how much I can post by the time I get to my destination. :P
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Hmmm.. why do people build nice houses near train tracks....??
Assumption... Cheaper property.  DAMN that one looked like a castle!!!!
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6:11 or 18:11 - WRITERS BLOCK!/cant stop staring out the window.
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I love willow trees.. so beautiful.
I am imagining going kayaking under and in-between willow trees so peacefully. The warm sun peeking though the leaves and onto my face. The sounds of the frogs communicating, and the fish jumping in the water. Maybe in-between mountains were you can hear echoes of even the quietest of sounds.
Now that would be something I would love to do everyday for the rest of my life.
 I zoned back in form my imagination and we have arrived in Chatham out my window I see a barbed wire fence the sun is starting to come down behind me it looks like they are doing construction. from beautiful to eye sore yay.
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7:31 or 19:31 - Helped a girl next to me with her hair. :) she looks awesome. :P
Now I am in London. :)
The man who works on the trains accent is so strong I feel like in in the pink panther. hehe I love it.
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8:10 or 20:10 - HOLY CHIT ITS DARK OUTSIDE!!!!!!
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I'm getting so excited for Toronto!!
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The guy in front of me its watching kinky sex. OMG
She is sitting on him with a knife! ohh boy.
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Now I'm thinking a but sexual fantasy's mm.. how I would love it if I was engaged in a sexual discussion and swept off my feet right now..
ummmm okay subject change!!!..... bljfdiosdgfusdi
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VAMPIRES!!
WARE-WOLVES!!!
NO NO ELVES!!!
Not like Santa's elves but like Orlando Bloom elves damnnn!
I would love it if I had a pocket Orlando Bloom Elve.   Teehee
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Shit I'm right back on the same track again..
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I'm BORED!!!
TEXT!
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8:33 or 20:33- NAP!
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8:40 or 20:40 - COFFEE!!!!!
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Think about what I'm going to do tomorrow.......
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.Pondering ..............
..............Pondering some more.................
.................Still pondering............................
............................Panic...................................
Not panicking I kid! lol
> But I still... I don't know...? I shall figure that out later. :)
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My hands smell amazing! :)
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Neck Tattoos are sexy..
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8:49 or 20:49 I forgot to ask for my coffee. :(
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9:50 or 21:50 ARIVEEED!!!!!

Side Tracked/ My sister

So, I have this habit I really need to break. I'm sure all that know me know what it is.. and for those who don't it is being distracted by nothing. I recently read my sisters blog and well I guess this runs in the family lol as you can see by my post progress I am not all that grate at keeping my mind on writing daily. lol kellie daily has turned into kellie sometimes or kellie bi-weekly, or even monthly. I guess the new Timmy's sizes don't help neither I've been getting the XL lately and I can barely keep it together when finish caffeine and I kind of clash that way. I have done so much the past few days since the weather has been FANTASTIC!!!!!
I tried running and seen a few old friends. It was nice to see that I'm not the only one living back home and tring to find a job. The other day I spent the day with holly. It was very nice I'm trying to spend more time with her with out her friends. Since she will be leaving to New Zealand in 24 days.!! 24 DAYS!!!! OMG!!!
I'm going to miss the kid.

Now for the deep sisterly love... GET READY

My sister is the one person who knows everything about me well... pretty much everything. She is what keeps me going she is what I fear to disappoint yet she is the only one who will not judge.
I love my sister more then anyone who is living on this planet.
I feel like she can relate to the lyrics of o' sister by city and colour I say this because I once was the one she could look up too. I was the mighty older sister...
but then I fell I fell into a world of greedy people all my friends were loosers and were addicted to the party and blinded all they cared about was getting drunk and having fun.
I was the motherless child longing for comfort. and I thought I had comfort in the people who were around me but it just turned into them using me up and tossing me away like a disposable rag..
Now I am the sister she uses as a reference on what not to do..
Don't get me wrong I love that my sister wont make the mistakes I made.
Mistakes with life choices including work places, friends.. and how to not get your heart stepped on...
It just sucks that it was my life as the reference and I wish it was someone elses.  

Dear sister, I love you!


Aside from the deep intense sister moment Saturday I bought Rollerblades! Yup I'm learning to roller blade :).
Today I'm going to Toronto, Ohh the city how I love thee. I will return on Saturday or Sunday should be a good time :)

I can't help but laugh after reading this over I covered quite a bit in such little time. A.D.D moment!! (we all have our moments)

Anyways....

My sisters blog is http://hollybrunschot.blogspot.ca/2012/03/coffee-distraction-24-days.html?spref=fb

Check her out she has a lot of good stuff on there and she sticks to her posts. hehee
ALSO...
Try to help with her New Zealand fund. :)

Love
Kelliee


O' Sister- City and Colour

Oh sisterWhat's wrong with your mind?You used to be so strong and stableMy sisterWhat made you fall from grace?I'm sorry that I was not there to catch you
What have the demons done?What have the demons done?With the luminous light that once shined from your eyesWhat makes you feel so aloneIs it the whispering ghostsThat you feared the mostBut the blackness in your heartWon't last foreverI know it's tearing you apartBut it's a storm you can weather
Oh sisterThose lines etched in your handsThey're hardened and rough like a road map of sorrowMy sisterThere is a sadness on your faceYou're like a motherless child who's longing for comfortWhat's running through your veinsThat's causing you such pain?Does it have something to do with the pills they gave to you?What is eating at your soul?Was it the whispering ghosts that left you out in the cold?
But the blackness in your heartWon't last foreverI know it's tearing you apartBut it's a storm you can weather

  

letter for my love

Dreaming of the days when my lover lay beside me, my mind is in heaven, just imagining his touch. Every single part of him I have fallen in love with. His beautiful brown eyes glow; I can see my future in him. This gorgeous brown I will never forget.

His lips, so smooth just begging for a kiss. The perfect color, the perfect shape, and oh how I love to kiss those beautiful lips. The same lips that whisper 'I love you' embrace mine and I am reminded of the passion.

The stunning curve of his spine makes my hands loose control, I remember massaging his back, his shoulders. Hearing my love moan with every motion, every touch, every scratch, lets me know that he is in a land of bliss, which I provided day in, day out, he shivered and shook with pleasure, I love to make him loose control.

Remembering when I lay next to him, admiring the sun on his skin... he reminded me of a statue sometimes. So handsome, so perfect. Pure beauty. Remembering his fingers twirling through my soft hair, him staring into my eyes as we had a speechless conversation.

Reminiscing of the mornings I would wake up next to him, his arm around me keeping me warm. Waking up being able to see him and kiss him good morning, with a soft 'I love you' being the first thing said. I remember being able to sleep next to him, being wrapped up warm in his arms.

But this dreamland no longer exists; I feel nothing. All I feel is the pain from his absence, and a constant longing for my love that drives me insane. A constant loneliness that never subsides.

The next time he will return to my arms seems like an eternity away.

Nowadays when I roll over, there is merely a pillow. When I look over to awe at my love, all that remains is the wall. I remember when it was him who warmed me, now there is merely a blanket. My bed has suddenly become huge without him next to me, my palm is empty without him to here hold it, and my heart is empty without him here to love me.

My mind is fried, all I think about is the next time I will see my love. I'm trying to stay strong, knowing that someday my love will return. Memories and the sound of his voice are the only things that keep me going, that keep me desperate for his return. Oh how I've hungered for his touch, for even a simple glance from those gorgeous eyes. Thinking of the next time I will wrap my arms around him and inhale the scent of his neck. When I will feel his stubble scratch my cheek, when I will be able to run my fingers over his shoulders and whisper 'Welcome home honey, I love you' into his ear. When I will be able to gaze into his eyes and kiss him, with this kiss expressing how much I've missed him, how much I've yearned for him. Every part of my body, longs for his touch.

A simple graze of his fingertips would be enough to make me fall to my knees.

I love you.

Love Always,
Kelliee

tips on making you feel good :)

1. Stop reading fashion magazines/body building magazines/stupid shit that glorifies unrealistic bodies. These are a huge culprit for poor body image. By bombarding you with unrealistic images, it’s easier to sell you things to fix yourself. The continued viewing of these images conditions us into the ideal of the magazine instead of an ideal that is healthy for our various body shapes.

2. Spend time naked. Routinely and as MUCH as you can! It helped me to get comfortable in my own skin. At first it felt awkward, but over the last year, I’ve come to love being naked with myself. Check out your body in the mirror. Don’t criticize, just explore. Identify all of the marks, spots, and bumps that are unique to you.

3. Exercise and eat well. Take care of your body so that it can take care of you. Learn to cook (YouTube has a TON of great tutorials and recipes!) so that you can feed it yummy, healthy foods. Save the salty, sugary, fatty foods for special occasions. These are hard on your body and will make you feel icky. Also strive to get at least a half hour of activity every day. If you’re like me, it helps to change up the activity so you don’t get bored!

4. When you notice yourself making judgment calls about your own body or other peoples’ bodies, step back and think about it. When I first started this, it was a near constant inner dialogue to work through my concepts of bodies and beauty. Consciously correct yourself before you move on. Remind yourself why it’s unproductive to judge, affirm your self love, and set a precedent to be more positive next time. This exercise works to build your self-awareness. The more self-aware you are, the easier it is to let go of the negative influences around you. I think this had the most effect for me.

5. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Get rid of friends that expect you to live up to a certain physical standard and/or judge you for your body – I’ve found these aren’t real friends. They are offering you a relationship contingent on your physical appearance. If you are striving to accept and love yourself, it naturally follows that you need to be in the presence of people who do the same. If you notice your friends being body negative, use it as an opportunity to start a conversation about their judgment. With continued conversation, your friends might hop on board toward a healthier view of themselves and others right along with you! Using a gentle, genuine tone and the right questions, I’ve strengthened a hand full of friendships using these kinds of dialog:

i.e.:

Friend: Wow, look at that cow!You: Why are you calling her a cow?

Friend: What the fuck is she wearing?You: What does it matter what she wears?

Friend: Ewww look how little he is!You: Little compared to what?

Best of luck.

love yourselves!!

Have you ever felt shitty about yourself? Ha of course you have. Why did I even ask. lol  The mirror is our obsession and our bathroom scales is the new crack. All over the country you will find women weighting themselves weekly daily hourly. Starving themselves, working out until the vomit or pass out. They undergo harmful chemical treatments and surgery. Willing to face the risks of infection, cancer, and death. They spend thousands of dollars on diet pills, makeup, clothing, etc... By grade one 42% of girls already think they need to be slimmer. 35% have been on at least one diet by the age of 12. WHAT THE FUDGE!!!???

Woman’s magazines have over 10.5 times more ads then men’s. 75% of the magazines covers have at least 1 ad on how to make you more attractive.

76% or women on TV are under weight. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Think about it these women you see on TV look so good to you but imagine without their clothes on. LADYS!! RIBS ARNT SEXY!!.... Unless there in a plate and covered in bbq sauce. Now toughs are some sexy ribs. :P

the media is our drug lord they say “if you could just drop 20 pounds you could have everything. A hot boyfriend, money, success, and everyone will love you.

But when did modifying your body make you a less shitty person.?  Since the media owned your soul that’s when! MUHAHAHA

Every day you see 5000 ads and 1-3 of them are about your appearance. Say you are about 18 years old that is 13 million advertisements telling you aren’t good enough. HOLY SHIT!! No wonder why 8 million of us have eating disorders and almost all of us have poor self-esteem. WHO WOULDN’T? It all goes back to the fact that these ads are NOT real they are just plaid like they are.

Now how many people can open up a magazine and say “OHH THAT TOTALLY LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.”  Pifft none of us. And it doesn’t look like the nether there is so much airbrushing and Photoshop involved.  You probably wouldn’t even notice them. Another reason is that oooober thin body only affects 5% of the world’s population. And the standers are getting tighter. 20 years ago models were 5% underweight in 2011 models were 23% underweight. Here is something you can do and what I have done. J Every time I find myself feeling this self conscious I put myself in check. This has affected me my entire life. But it is a very long proses trying to undo the damage that has been done. I have slowly been eliminating all the things that have been hurting my self-esteem and raping my wallet. I shave my legs less, I don’t shop as much, I have only one product to wash my face, and I have slowly reduced the amount of makeup I wear. And I eventually will be able to go out without any at all. But it’s a work in progress and I have to be conscious about it every day. But not only about myself but about others as well. The more the fog clears the more you will truly love and appreciate human bodies.